Contact
Greenways Crescent.
Shoreham-by-sea, West Sussex, BN43 6HR
Healing from Enmeshment Specialist
You didn't choose your family. But you can choose to stop being controlled by them.
15 years in recovery from parental enmeshment
Specialised 1:1 coaching for parents, adult children and siblings. Confidentiality guaranteed and a non-judgemental focus so you can process grief, rebuild boundaries, and feel less alone
​Confidential, trauma‑informed coaching ​​
For adults healing from enmeshment—rebuild clarity, self‑trust, and steadier relationships
''You know something's been wrong for years. You just didn't have a word for it yet. That word is enmeshment''
What is Enmeshment?
The definition of Enmeshment is 'a relationship style where personal and emotional boundaries blur so much that individual identity disappears'. It has also been referred to as 'Covert Incest'.
My clients tend to have had over controlling fathers or mothers and have the feeling that they are 'trapped', 'engulfed' and/or 'suffocated'. They feel that they are responsible for their parents feelings or are being told this and that they do not know how they can escape this burden. Confidentiality is absolutely assured.
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Having had a mother that relied heavily on my companionship and attention I know all too well how frustated, guilt ridden and enraged I felt. I also know what it takes to escape, grow my identity and remain in contact again but with boundaries.
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If you feel you 'cannot go on any longer' doing what you're doing but that without you your parent will become hurt, lonely and helpless then consider that those are also your own characteristics because of your commitment to them. If you want help and guidance in how you can detach with love and safety and still remain in touch with them - then book a call with me today.
My
Story
WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE
"Here's what most people in this situation don't see at first. The relationship can feel special. Even meaningful. You feel needed, useful, important to someone who loves you. What you can't yet see is that the entire dynamic is built around your parent getting their needs met, not yours. And those needs will never be fully met. No matter how much of yourself you give, they will always want more. The more you abandon your own needs to fill theirs, the more you abandon your own identity. Your own soul. That's the quiet cost that accumulates over years without anyone naming it. And here's the thing I want you to know before anything else. Estrangement isn't the only answer. With the right tools and boundaries, a genuinely healthy relationship with your parent is possible. That's not a consolation prize. That's actually the destination." ​
"I loved my mother deeply, but being with her felt like I couldn't move or breathe. When I wasn't with her I was worrying about her, carrying guilt that she was lonely. When I was with her I felt trapped inside myself, like she had a power over me I couldn't name or escape.
The moment I knew something had to change was when I found myself in a room with my mother and my girlfriend at the same time, and I felt absolute despair. If they both needed me in that moment, I wouldn't know who to reject. I felt guilty just for having a girlfriend at all.
I tell you this because I know exactly where you are. And I also know what's on the other side. Today I have genuine internal and external boundaries with both my mother and my partner. I feel free to express my needs. I have a loving relationship with my mother. And I feel safe, genuinely safe, in a way I honestly didn't think was possible."
WHO THIS IS FOR
"You wake up and the day already isn't yours. Before it's even started there's a pressure sitting on your chest, the weight of someone else's needs layered on top of everything you already have to carry. Life feels like a chore rather than something you actually get to live. You've tried pulling away. Maybe even going no contact. But they find a way through anyway, and the guilt and the grief of the distance almost feels worse than the dynamic itself. You've asked them to find support elsewhere and somehow that became you rejecting them. You've heard 'you don't love me.' You've heard 'after everything I've done for you.' You've heard 'if you only knew what I was going through.' And through all of it, underneath all of it, what you actually want is heartbreakingly simple. You want a break. Space to think and feel and figure out why this relationship feels so wrong when you love this person so much.....And if you're further along, you already know the word for what this is, and what you really want is for your parent to love you freely. To be genuinely happy that you're living a full life with your own relationships intact. To not need you to be small so they can feel whole. That's not too much to want. That's everything."
"Here's what I wish someone had told me sooner. What was happening in my family wasn't normal. I was being manipulated into taking on emotional responsibilities no child should ever carry. I was made to become an adult long before I was ready. And some of what felt like love, including physical affection I didn't know I could question, was actually a boundary violation I had no framework to name. That's a hard thing to read. I know. Because it doesn't feel like manipulation when it's coming from someone who loves you and who you love back. That's precisely what makes it so disorienting. Here's what your clients discover, and what I want you to know now. You are not alone in this. Not even close. And the guilt you feel about having your own needs, your own life, your own relationships? That guilt was taught to you. It isn't the truth about who you are. You do not have to choose between loving your parent and living your own life. You get to love them. On your terms. Not theirs."
"If you're sitting here reading this with your hand hovering over that button, let me say a few things directly to you. Your parent never needs to know you came to me. This is yours. Completely and privately yours. And there is nothing you could tell me that would shock me. Nothing. I have sat with people from seriously dysfunctional family systems, heard stories that would make most people flinch, and every single one of those people has walked away knowing they made the right choice reaching out. You will too. When we speak, you don't need to know where to start. Most people don't. We'll find the thread together. What I want you to feel in that first conversation is that you are safe, that you are finally talking to someone who genuinely understands because he's lived it, and that despite every feeling of disloyalty your mind throws at you right now, choosing yourself in this moment is not a betrayal. It's the beginning. The old story ends here. Yours starts when you're ready. Book your session below."