Families Can Be Tough to Navigate

Martyn Eggington
Jul 7
3 min read

Updated: Aug 1

There are a few myths that persist when it comes to nuclear families. One of the most common is the idea that loyalty to your parents and siblings must be unconditional, no matter what happens. Another is the belief that you shouldn't "rock the boat"—that whatever your parents say or do is gospel truth, the blueprint for a good life and healthy relationships.

Understanding Family Dynamics

But here’s the reality: you were born into a system, not a contract. You may not share the same values, ethics, or worldview as the people you were raised by—and that’s okay. It’s perfectly valid to think, feel, and behave differently from what was expected of you.

In childhood, some kids comply with their parents’ wishes out of fear of punishment or conflict. Others rebel—even at a very young age—regardless of the consequences. The hard truth is, you can be punished for both. No two lives are the same, and we are all uniquely wired.

The Impact of Conditioning

In either case, our conditioning can leave scars. As we grow older and begin to reflect, we may come to see that some of the traits or beliefs we absorbed are not serving us—they’re destructive, not constructive. When we begin to change and choose a different path, it can trigger a rupture with those who raised us. We might hear things like: "This is just how we are. It's always been this way."

Navigating Family Estrangement

As a coach who works with people on both sides of the family estrangement coin—parents and adult children—my role is to help make sense of that rupture. We start by understanding what caused the breakdown, clarifying what the client truly wants, and then creating a strategy for how best to move forward.

Sometimes reconciliation is the goal, but we always begin by asking whether that's truly the healthiest option. If there’s a clear, non-negotiable obstacle—something that would cause further harm or distress—then maintaining distance may be the wiser path.

The Coaching Process

Whatever decision we come to in coaching, it’s never rushed. It’s the result of a deep and honest inventory. We consider everyone involved, weigh up the emotional landscape, and craft a roadmap that gives the client peace of mind. The final outcome offers clarity, closure, and the confidence to move forward knowing they’ve done everything they can—and they understand why things are the way they are.

If you're carrying the weight of a difficult family situation, even if it’s just something you’re wrestling with internally, I’d love to have a chat.

Healing and Moving Forward

Healing from family estrangement is a journey. It requires patience and understanding. You may find yourself questioning your identity and your place in the world. This is completely normal. As you navigate these feelings, remember that it’s okay to seek help.

In my experience, many individuals find solace in sharing their stories. It can be incredibly liberating to express what you’ve been through. This act of sharing can often lead to breakthroughs in understanding and healing.

Embracing Your Unique Path

You are not alone in this journey. Many have walked a similar path and have emerged stronger. Embracing your unique path is vital. You have the power to redefine your relationships and your life.

As you reflect on your experiences, consider what you truly want. What does a fulfilling life look like for you? What relationships do you want to nurture? These questions can guide you as you move forward.

The Importance of Self-Care

Self-care is essential during this time. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and peace. Whether it’s reading, meditating, or spending time in nature, make space for these moments. They can help ground you as you navigate the complexities of family dynamics.

Seeking Support

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether through coaching, therapy, or support groups, connecting with others who understand can be incredibly beneficial. Sharing your experiences and hearing others’ can provide comfort and insight.

Conclusion

In conclusion, navigating family estrangement is a complex journey. It’s filled with challenges, but it also offers opportunities for growth and healing. Remember, you have the right to create a life that aligns with your values and beliefs.

If you're ready to explore this journey further, I invite you to connect with me. Together, we can work towards rebuilding your identity and living a fulfilling life.