Families Can Be Tough to Navigate

There are a few myths that persist when it comes to nuclear families. One of the most common is the idea that loyalty to your parents and siblings must be unconditional, no matter what happens. Another is the belief that you shouldn't "rock the boat"—that whatever your parents say or do is gospel truth, the blueprint for a good life and healthy relationships.

But here’s the reality: you were born into a system, not a contract. You may not share the same values, ethics, or worldview as the people you were raised by—and that’s okay. It’s perfectly valid to think, feel, and behave differently from what was expected of you.

In childhood, some kids comply with their parents’ wishes out of fear of punishment or conflict. Others rebel—even at a very young age—regardless of the consequences. And the hard truth is, you can be punished for both. No two lives are the same, and we are all uniquely wired.

In either case, our conditioning can leave scars. As we grow older and begin to reflect, we may come to see that some of the traits or beliefs we absorbed are not serving us—they’re destructive, not constructive. And when we begin to change and choose a different path, it can trigger a rupture with those who raised us. We might hear things like: "This is just how we are. It's always been this way."

As a coach who works with people on both sides of the family estrangement coin—parents and adult children—my role is to help make sense of that rupture. We start by understanding what caused the breakdown, clarifying what the client truly wants, and then creating a strategy for how best to move forward.

Sometimes reconciliation is the goal, but we always begin by asking whether that's truly the healthiest option. If there’s a clear, non-negotiable obstacle—something that would cause further harm or distress—then maintaining distance may be the wiser path.

Whatever decision we come to in coaching, it’s never rushed. It’s the result of a deep and honest inventory. We consider everyone involved, weigh up the emotional landscape, and craft a roadmap that gives the client peace of mind. The final outcome offers clarity, closure, and the confidence to move forward knowing they’ve done everything they can—and they understand why things are the way they are.

If you're carrying the weight of a difficult family situation, even if it’s just something you’re wrestling with internally, I’d love to have a chat.

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